From social networks such as Tik-Tok to newspapers, the theme of Red Flags (literally red flags) how revealing signals of relational alarms is depopulating.
Behaviors, traits, attitudes and ways of expressing themselves make a fluttering red, green (markers of a positive attitude) or beige (neutral characteristics) flutter in the videos posted on the social network, which has even dedicated a special filter to the matter.
Behind a topic so in vogue, a complex reality is hidden. The risk is of simplify a concept that has a psychological meaning very precise, limiting its relevance. In fact, beyond the almost ironic use of the label made on social networks compared to our potentially risky behaviors in a relationship (from late to be, to watching a TV series without the partner), there is a rich scientific literature on the subject.
We will therefore try to analyze the Psychological meaning of the Red Flagswhen these can represent elements of real risk in relationships and when, on the contrary, they can be the result of keyboard extreme extreme.
What are Red Flags?
Since ancient times, the red flag has been used to launch a danger signal in the military field, detecting the presence of enemies. In many cultures, in fact, the red color is associated with risk or al danger.
Who has never happened to have to give up taking a bath at the beach due to the red flag waved on the beach? In the same way, even in the navy red flags indicate danger, while in a military context they are used in the mined fields to indicate the presence of a device.
Red Flag: meaning and origin
The term Red Flag in the relational field indicates the detection, in the initial phase of a romantic meeting, of unwanted signals exhibited by our partner (White, 2016).
The CLOCATION OF THE CONCEPT Through social networks it involves simplifications and absolutes that could be misleading. Not all the behaviors or traits of a person who activate in us annoyance are necessarily represent signals of pathology or relational malaise.
One of the most common Red Flag is to perceive narcissistic traits or define the partner narcissistic. Each of us has traits of healthy narcissism that are gratified by positive experiences that strengthen our identity by putting petrol in the tank of self -esteem.
The presence of traits of grandeur can, on the contrary, fragilize the perception we have of our image by feeding the need for confirmation, insecurity, inadequacy. Completely different situation is that in which a actual personality disorder is configured, so the person experiences suffering within the relationship in which he seeks admiration, confirmation of power and success, special treatments, uniqueness and recognition of rights.
In short, Not everything is narcissistic disorderpathological narcissism or danger signal for a relationship. An in -depth reflection on yourself and on the ways in which relationships are experienced can be useful to identify the specificity of a situation, avoiding risky stereotypens and abstract generalizations.
The Red Flags in therapy
The term Red Flags also entered the narratives of people who turn to a mental health professional.
Often the term is used in an almost colloquial way, to indicate alarm bells that make the high possibility from the beginning that a relationship, a new job, a situation of change ends quickly in a negative way.
A more complex and fairly frequent theme is that relating to the idea of having met a narcissistic partner in love.
The therapy space can be adequate to clarify these themes, Making the due distinctions between situations that hide real relational risks from circumstances in which behaviors, traits and states cause annoyance and activate relational patterns to work on, but not necessarily pathological.
Red Flags in a relationship: When to pay attention?
What situations, signals and behaviors are to be considered as authentic red flags, capable of highlighting a potentially risky relational situation?
Here are some examples of Red Flags that should be attacked:
- Jealousy in love and possessiveness of the partner who manifest themselves with controlling attitudes
- lack of respect which translates into behaviors with which it diminishes, accuses, blames the other or limits its freedom
- dysfunctional communication With disqualification attitudes, disconnects (silence and absence of answers that communicate the message “you do not exist”), rigid adhesion to your point of view with inability to open up to dialogue, difficulty translating non -verbal language, symmetrical escalations (tendency to reflect the communication behavior of the other, for example by raising the voice to prevaricate)
- tendency to handling With behaviors clearly aimed at achieving what you also want through emotional blackmail, for example: “If I loved me you really don’t do it”
- Love Bombing, understood as a form of emotional manipulation in which one person floods the other of excessive attention and affection to quickly earn his emotional control.
The repetition of these behaviors, the generation of constant response behavioral patterns over time and emotional suffering can be Useful alarm bells To distinguish authentic Red Flags, or those situations in which it may be useful to intervene with a couple therapy or an individual psychological support path. In the most severe cases, when moving away from the partner is not enough to protect one’s safety, it is important to evaluate the use of the competent authorities.
Work on itself to live authentic relationships
IftWork on itself can be a useful tool for:
- have adequate awareness of proper relational functioning and partner
- identify potentially risky relational patterns by distinguishing them from behavioral responses which, even if annoying, do not involve suffering in the relationship
- expand knowledge about one’s personality and ways of entering into relationships with others.
Green Flags: grasping positive signals
IftMuch less frequently focused on the attempt to grasp the positive signalsgreen flags or Green Flags (Fenwick, 2024), which a person can express in a relationship. Some examples of attitudes to be enhanced in the partner what positive signals:
- kindness
- take care of the other
- empathy
- motivation to face and resolve critical situations through dialogue
- effective communication
- compliance with boundaries and recognition of personal value;
- non -judgmental attitude.
Beige Flags: the new social trend
IftSocials, who continually need to feed on new stimuli, gave birth to a new trend: the Beige Flags. These are behaviors, states or attitudes in itself neutral who risk, however, of perceive boredom within the relationship.
The danger is to label any attitude in an excessively superficial or simplified way. In addition, boredom can be an important moment for both individual psychic life and that of a couple. In fact, it plays a fundamental role in the development of fantasy and creativity.
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At each flag its meaning
IftIt may be useful to remember that any behavior, trait, state has a different meaning that unfolds in the complex intertwining between the individual dimension, the characteristics of the other and the relational dimension. Reduce this complexity to a social filter It is impossible and risky. It can lead us to oversize behaviors that do not constitute aspects of risk for relational well -being, or, on the contrary, to underestimate real alarm bells. The spaces of the therapy or a path of psychological support can therefore become a precious tool in exploring their relational models, in the analysis of any recurrent schematism, in the reflection about their relationships. Taking awareness of one’s way of working and the dynamics of the couple is a useful step in promoting psychological well -being.
